CELEBRITY DATING EXPERT, DR. ISH MAJOR: THE BLESSING AND CURSE OF SWIPING LEFT FOR LOVE
In a social media driven culture where the potential for love is at our finger tips, a large number of Millennials are still striking out. This expert knows why.
I’ve lost count of how many “where are the good men” conversations I’ve had with some of my besties, often over a mixed drink or red wine. Cue Paula Cole’s 🎸“Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?” ♬
As a single Millennial woman who seemed stuck in dating purgatory, I used to wonder about the same thing. Then I met my husband and now that I’m married, I wonder, “is our love the exception for our generation?”
Research shows fewer Millennials are getting married compared to previous generations. A Pew Research Report from 2014 showed that just 26% of the Millennial generation was married compared to 36% of Gen X, 48% of Baby Boomers and 65% of the Silent Generation when they were the age that Millennials are now. This is driving the marriage rate down. By 2017 half of US adults were married compared to 72% in 1960.
Additionally, an estimated 25% of millennials are unlikely to ever get married according to one study. A number of factors are contributing to this trend, including economic conditions, evolving work structures and changing gender norms. Much has been said about how Millennials are “killing” marriage and whether or not that’s a good thing. Some Millennials are bucking tradition and don’t view marriage as socially alluring as it once was. But a majority of Millennials still want to get married: 70% according to another study. Despite their best efforts, many seem unable to find their “person.”
So I turned to celebrity dating expert and psychiatrist, Dr. Ish Major: the latest guest on my podcast, The Skooled Millennial. Dr. Ish has over 15 years of experience helping men and women navigate the dating jungle and he’s considered one of America’s Top Psychiatrists.
Among the many hats he wears, Dr. Ish is currently the co-host of WeTV’s hit television series Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars Family Edition along with Dr. V Nicolino where the pair counsel a slew of celebrities about their messy, painful, chaotic family relationships.The most recent season includes, rapper and singer Aaron Carter who is the brother of former Backstreet Boys member Nick Carter; former Real Housewives of Orange County cast member Alexis Bellino, former Basketball Wives LA cast member Laura Govan and actor Corey Feldman.
Dr. Ish’s resume also includes appearances as a frequent guest host on The Doctors and as a resident expert on The Today Show. I figured, if anyone could offer some insight into the dating dynamics of my peers, it has to be him.
During our conversation, Dr. Ish said there is one thing he has observed as a consistent theme while counseling celebrities.
“As a celebrity, the thing you figure out the most is that everybody wants something from you” Dr. Ish said.
He believes this makes celebrities particularly vulnerable, not only when interacting with the public but also when trying to find love.
In his opinion, it all boils down to to trust. This is true for both celebrities and non-celebrities alike.
“Do you really find someone who you can trust to be yourself with” Dr. Ish asked. And can you trust that not only can you share your truth but you can trust them to not break that confidence and misuse that truth in a way that would hurt you?”
Makes sense. I wondered, is this why so many Millennials are having trouble finding love? Are they unable to find someone they can be their authentic selves with? According to Dr. Ish, in a sense, yes.
He believes Millennials have a seemingly overwhelming number of choices and options when it comes to choosing a potential partner, which can be both a blessing and a curse.
“Swipe left, swipe right. I don’t like what this person DM’d me,” Dr. Ish said. “Let me see who else has DM’d me or let me see how many people I can DM in the next 10 minutes.”
Sounds kind of glutinous. But this type of thinking is also illusory and is a breeding ground for superficial connections that are ultimately unfulfilling.
Dr. Ish also pointed out that Millennials grew up in and live in a society dominated by social media, which encourages a lot of people to put on a facade about their character instead of being honest about who they really are. It’s a dating cultures in which people are driven to “be liked and get likes and we want people to double tap,” Dr. Ish said.
Lets be honest. Most of us on social media like “likes” so we’re going to do things to get more “likes.” However, Dr. Ish pointed out that when a large portion of a demographic in any society engages in social media behavior that masks their true character, the result is a generation in which a large portion are unwilling to be honest not only about who they are but about what they need.
“This is what I’m looking for,” he said. “This is what I need and want out of this thing in order to be happy. As soon as you can communicate that — and it’s a comfort level, you have to be comfortable enough to do that — but as soon as you’re able to do that, than you’re giving your partner or potential partner information that they can use to make an informed decision about you.”
This is true for Millennials, and anyone whether single, dating, married or in a relationship.
It’s about communicating clearly so that you’re on the same page with you’re partner or potential partner. That way you both can decide whether you want to opt in or out of whatever romantic situation you find yourselves in.
On the other hand, Dr. Ish said social media has not been all bad. It does give us many more options of potential mates that we may not have otherwise had. If you’re someone who is clear about what you want and need in a relationship, social media can allow you to filter through more people at a faster pace and save yourself the trouble of wasting time on someone who cannot give you what you want or need.
To learn more about Dr. Ish’s dating advice, visit his website here.
You can also check out the rest of our conversation on The Skooled Millennial Podcast.